True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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