At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
