Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
