My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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