why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
