hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Everything about him screamed your future.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
