I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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