Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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