did you get engaged???
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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