My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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