Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
