A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
