I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
