the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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