I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
