Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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