just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
