you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I looked at my own cervix.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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