I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
