1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize