How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
