My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
