I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize