shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
