I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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