so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
