My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
