u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
