this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize