Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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