Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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