what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
