Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
