Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
