So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
