you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
