There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize