I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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