sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
