i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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