Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
