Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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