My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
