is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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