He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
