Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
