I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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