his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
