She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
