ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
