the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
