Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
