He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
