do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
