I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
