Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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