The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
