I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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