now i know why i became what i already was.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize