next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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