Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
