nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
