i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
