We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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