I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
