My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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