He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize