I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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