the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
